This is the feeling one gets when you suddenly leave everything to time/chance/luck/or one of such things. The feeling is stronger when you have been a control freak all your life, have know exactly what you wanted and fought all odds to get it. The feeling is at its ultimate when it dawns to you only recently realised how much of a control freak you were.
But the feeling is funnily blissful....when suddenly nothing that you plan for happens the way you plan it. Most times it does not happen at all. There people, mostly friends and family who ask you all the time, "is this really you?" or "you weren't like this" and the only answer you can give them is a nod, right when something inside you is screaming..."OH BOY TELL ME ABOUT IT....!". After all who will know best that i have not been myself lately.
Sometimes I feel I have stepped out of myself and watching me live this life...! Now that id funnily blissful.
Aggressive, fast, exciting yet mundane, slow and drab. 'Cut rahi hai..." I often hear people saying it, guess I say it sometimes too, though I hate the phrase. But that it is and the constant question that bothers me in my head is 'What Next?'.
Live in now...okay! that's good...but i guess that is not enough. Shouldn't there be something to look forward to. Something that you are working towards, walking towards or even strolling towards, but some place to get to. A journey is what I have always described life as and i want it to be like that.
But like i recently realised, nothing i plan for ever happens...so I have decided to come up with a master plan. I shall play a game. Plan for all the things that i do not want to do or I do not want to happen. As things usually happen with me, I should be able to deceive my way through to what i really want i guess... ;-)
yours funnily blissful
Dhara
